Excerpts - WIPpet Wednesday

WIPet Wednesday

I almost didn’t post today, since I’m still sick. Blah. But, I probably won’t post next Wednesday, and I didn’t want to miss two weeks.

This is another Excerpt from Second Chances. Still slugging through the final edit. I’m about halfway done. If done is even a word in a writer’s dictionary…

Scene set up: This is after Jay meets Lacey a second time while attending a game night at a friend’s house. He’s driving home in his roommate, Matt’s, truck. Today I have 16 sentences.


“What?” he snapped, whipping his head around at the sound of his full name.

“What were you two doing in the backyard?”

Nothing. Don’t call me that. And why are you asking?”

“Nothing?” He threw him a sidelong glance. “I saw the way you looked at her from the moment we arrived.”

“Nothing happened, okay?” He glared at Matt as they turned left onto the main street.

“It’s dangerous being alone with her—with any woman for that matter.”

Jay frowned and snorted, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He was tired of lectures and didn’t need anyone telling him what to do. Didn’t we already have this conversation when I first moved in?

“The last thing you need is a girl to complicate things right now.”

If you don’t know much about who Jay is, check out the synopsis under Upcoming Releases.

Does Matt know something Jay doesn’t? Or is he just being overprotective? 

10 Comments on “WIPet Wednesday

  1. Second paragraph needs action before or on other side of the dialogue. Plus I’m off put by what seems to be a third person in the car; this needs brought out beforehand, unless it’s established earlier in the scene. And his digging in his pocket doesn’t add much unless we need to know he’s fishing some particular thing OUT of his pocket, like a phone or pack of smokes.

    Otherwise, great job! I’m interested.

    1. Thanks. The story is in limited 3rd person, focused on Jay. The whole stuffing hands in pockets thing is something you wouldn’t get from a single excerpt. He’s wearing a hooded sweatshirt with pockets. So have you ever seen college kids how they walk around with hands stuffed in their sweatshirt pockets? or is that just how it was when i was in college? lol. I think it’s also a way of him saying “I’m over this conversation.”

    1. The synopsis might help clue you in. Glad you’re interested..The prologue answers a few questions as well but I decided not b to share that yntil I have an actual release date whether self publish or otherwise. Hehehe 🙂

        1. Yes. In real life I know this from experience lol. Also something I might go back in the MS and clear up for readers is how much older he is. I don’t mention it until later

          1. 🙂 My friend and I were actually talking about this. She likes to just give story and see what kind of mental pictures people form on their own. I’m very visual, though, so if I’ve had a certain mental image for a while, and some detail gets thrown in that doesn’t fit, it can be jarring.

  2. Ok, so I’m caught up now, and I’m excited for this. I’m finding that the recent incarnations of Christian fiction are like 10,000x better than what I used to read. This looks like a very interesting story! Also, when I was looking at the sidebar to read the synopsis, I got distracted by the post about 50 Shades. I’m still giggling (mainly because I appreciate any disdain for that series and I love snarky reviews of it).

    Anyway…about the snippet. I’m willing to bet Matt’s wrong about what Jay needs. Just saying.

    1. Hmm lol. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Sometimes good christian fiction is hard to find…Over the last three or four years Is when I’ve dove into it more. I’ve read more bad than good 🙁 My goal is to craft mine to be better than the ones I’ve read, but better is a relative term so who knows…:) As for Matt and Jay – Matt is just trying to protect him, like any friend would do, right? 🙂

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