Love is…complicated

Despite the risk of being extremely repetitive, I want to talk about love. Regardless of how redundant this little four-letter word is, I figure if I am going to write books about love, then I should define what I think love is.

I’m stoked. I finally finished my manuscript (for good this time. After months of editing, in lieu of paying a $1000 or more to have it edited. If you have a minute, check out the Synopsis here. I my hope is to publish by January. (If I self-publish, which is more than likely). Now, onto my definition of love.

Love is…complicated. I love the rain. I love a good story. I love writing, reading, balloon twisting…

I love my husband. I love my daughters. I love my parents, my brothers.

Love is simultaneously that feeling of longing, along with the drive to actively commit, regardless of a lack of that special feeling. In my opinion, you should have both in the beginning of a dating/marriage relationship. If we are designed by God’s hands, then I am inclined to believe that there is nothing wrong with physical attraction. It’s there for a reason, isn’t it? It’s how we handle it, with responsibility and respect that makes all the difference. I read an urban dictionary post for the definition of love that stated: “Lust is the desire for the body. Love is the desire for the soul.”

Eloquently put.

Now for the biblical perspective from 1 Corinthians 13: Love is patient, love is kind, does not envy, doesn’t boast, is not selfish, or easily angered.

But no one I know is exceedingly patient, kind, or selfless. Many people I know are easily angered, unforgiving…so how can this biblical love exist among imperfect people? With the help of the Holy Spirit’s guidance.

While I agree with the bible definition of love, I will put forth that being in love does not come without conflict or anger…  It is the ability to sift through and overcome conflict that allows our relationships to deepen and last longer.

Falling in love is a lot easier than staying in love. Staying in love requires tenacity from both parties. Some people love being in love. But when the going gets tough, and they don’t feel love anymore, they run for the hills, longing for the greener grass on the other side. I would rather see a couple get angry at each other, fight and argue in a healthy way, than ignore everything that is wrong with the other person. Someday, all of that pent up irritation is going to catch up with you.

After all that analyzing, I should just get to the point, based on my experiences:

Part 1: For me, love is wanting to make the other person happy, even though I am sometimes incapable of doing that myself. Even if they don’t notice or care. Let me clarify. This does not mean spoiling the people you love. This means, wanting them to succeed, wanting them to find a place in life where they are content. (1 Thessalonions 5:11)

For about three years during high school, I was in love with someone who was not in love with me. He was also not exhibiting godliness, and going through that rebellious stage in life…at some point, I prayed a prayer asking God to 1). Show Himself to this guy, and to help him become happy, because all I wanted was for him to be happy. If he was happy, wherever he ended up, then I would gladly let him go.

Ultimately, we did not end up together. Today, he is very happy where he’s at, married with three kids, and he loves God.

Part 2: Love is wanting to be a better you for that person that you love. One of the major reasons why I fell in love with my now-husband, is because he challenged me (not forced me) to be a better person. I have improved in multiple areas in my life from the person that I once was ten years ago. Not that I am perfect—far from it. I regress at times into old habits, and some years are better than others.

That’s also how I feel about my relationship with God. I struggle to be a better person because I love Him, because He loved me first. (Favorite verse! 1 John 4:10). Although I will admit it is easier to do this with a physical person present to challenge me. This is what accountability partners are for. And that’s an entirely different blog post.

I’m looking forward to being able to share my book with everyone. I hope you all take the opportunity to read it, though I understand that romantic novels are not for everyone. If you like it (when it’s available) PLEASE share it with people. If you don’t read romance novels, share it with someone who would like to read one.

Thank you for all your support now and in the future.